One of the kindest people I
know has been abused: mentally, physically,
emotionally, and sexually abused, and she was
just an innocent child. Those people
who should have been protecting her,
encouraging her, guiding her, and loving her
instead were her abusers.
The fact
that she is now over 50 years old, is
college educated, has raised a family, ran a
business, married an abuser and is now
widowed, left with a myriad of bills and
legal matters, and has pulled herself up
by her boot straps, found a job in service to
others less fortunate than herself absolutely
amazes me.
The irony is that, after
all this time, the hurt this little girl hid
within herself is still causing her pain, and
feelings of worthlessness, and she struggles
every day to deal with this
abuse.
.....Every day.....
......every day......
I asked her
for her permission to print a poem she
had written to herself on line.........so
maybe someone else who is going through this
hurt will see it, and feel better about
themselves and she agreed. Karen
Little girl, Can't talk.
Shhhhhhh.
Inside, I call for
help, Not knowing what for. But no one
hears.
I'm
mute... Calling...calling. Silently
calling. No one can hear.
I
grow... Something's wrong, I don't know
what.
Still trying to call, No one
hearing, No one listening.
What's
wrong with me? I call out... Can anyone
hear me? Won't anyone help?
More
growth, More of the same, No one
hearing, No one listening, Calls for
help, Unanswered.
One
day, There's an awakening. Someone within
Says "I'm here". And this time She's
heard, By the one who's grown.
Who
are you? Where did you come from? Do I
know you?
I'm here, Calls a soft
voice, Inside...all alone. They hurt me,
Big One.
What did they do? How
were you hurt?
They hit me, Made
me take off my clothes. They looked and they
touched, And Big One... They
hurt.
I tried to run, Tried to
hide, Couldn't talk, Couldn't
cry, Couldn't tell.
No one to
tell, No one to listen.
I was so
little, They were so big, I had to let
them Do what they wanted. I was so afraid.
When they were done, I hid
inside. I didn't want you to know. It was
my secret, Never to tell.
One
day... A memory slipped out. And then
another. I thought it was safe, And that I
could talk.
But then you hated
me. You thought I should have stopped
them, Should have told.
Big
One... Who could I tell? Mommy wouldn't
listen, And there wasn't anyone else. I
wasn't supposed To talk to grown
ups.
You hurt me Big One. You take
away my friends. You do bad things To make
them leave.
You take away the
things That I love the most. My
drawings, Favorite teddy bears, A favorite
owl.
You tell me you hate
me, That I'm stupid, A nothing. You
burn my hand, You think of
death.
Big One??? I
understand. You're afraid, Just like
me.
Can we be friends? Will you
hold my hand? Will you stay with
me?
I need to talk... Need to
share. These memories, Can't be handled
alone.
Can we go Through this
together? Hand in hand? Will you help
me? Will you hold me?
I need you
Big One, I'm a part of you.
Big
One... I love you !!
© Jean
Sweet Gentle Dream Original by
Jalal Ali Permission Granted
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All Rights Reserved ~ Remember U R Loved ~ ©
Karen Payne
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